Late virginity – a virtue or a disadvantage?
In modern society, close relationships are extolled into a kind of cult. Therefore, we are faced with an early onset of sexual activity much more often than with late virginity. And people who have retained their innocence until 25, 30 or 45 years old are often perceived with some prejudice. Although, according to social studies, about 18% of residents of large cities retain their virginity up to 25 years, or even longer.
Is late virginity a virtue in the 21st century? How will the lack of sex life affect the character of a woman? Bologny magazine psychologists tell.
The old maid: late virginity prejudices
The expression “old maid” creates a certain imprint of condemnation and contempt on a woman. A similar attitude towards these special people appeared in the distant Middle Ages. If in those days it was within the normal range to have a sexual relationship or a family, now a whole cult of freedom is being promoted, and therefore people are afraid of the absence of intimate relationships. For many of them, having a regular has become a life goal. Modern people greatly exaggerate the absence or presence in their lives, and, as a consequence, the preserved virginity at 30 or 40 years old causes them bewilderment.
A person different from the crowd has always aroused suspicion, misunderstanding and subconscious fear. Some believe that giving up intimate life is a sign of psychological and physical deviations. But is it really so?
Causes of late virginity
In reality, everything is much simpler. For some, life circumstances simply develop like that: at first a person thought that it was early, he was still young and had his whole life ahead, and then, one fine day, he realized that at his age it was already embarrassing to tell someone that he had never been engaged … And why? After all, there is nothing shameful in being different from others. There are various reasons for this situation. However, the environment puts pressure on the “late” ones, hinting to them that they are old-fashioned eccentrics, flawed personalities, giving rise to various complexes among virgins.
Different people begin to suffer from this pressure at different ages. Someone feels it back in high school, while someone has this problem after graduation, when friends start to start families. Each late virgin and virgin who has retained their chastity tell similar stories about the unpleasant moments of social pressure they experienced. Friends and co-workers look askance and constantly ask inappropriate questions such as “When will you get married?” etc. How do men really feel about virgins?
Often people become late virgins, falling into a kind of vicious circle of discrimination and their own experiences. They yearn to get rid of loneliness, but do not know how to do it. And ordinary conversations cannot help them.
What problems can virginity cause at a later age?
For a person, virginity at a later age becomes the cause of many problems, both psychologically and socially:
- The suspicion of others. People quickly notice that a person who is not married has no other relationship, and they begin to treat him with prejudice. It’s pretty hard to deal with it and live under pressure all the time. But you just need to learn to be indifferent to this and behave confidently;
- Unsuccessful search for a loved one. Having found your soul mate, it is rather difficult to admit to her that you are already over 30 and have no experience;
- Low self-esteem. When everyone around you says that you are flawed, and you yourself involuntarily begin to think so. Although this is not true. Late virgins need to constantly work on themselves so as not to lose faith in themselves and their own sense of dignity;
- Problems when visiting doctors. For example, a visit to a gynecologist, a late virgin, can cause serious moral trauma. Indeed, quite often in such situations, the doctor behaves tactlessly, and sometimes even rude;
- Late virgins have almost no one to share their fears and worries with., because they are afraid to see condemnation and misunderstanding in the eyes of the interlocutor. Therefore, they are forced to keep their secret;
- There is a lot of gossip and myths about late virginity. – in which, however, there is absolutely no truth.
Late virginity – a virtue or a disadvantage? Analysis of psychologist Oksana Konovalova, Bologny expert
This dignity or disadvantage can only be determined by the person himself – the woman, as the owner of virginity, or another person – the partner of this woman. Moreover, we can talk not about a potential sexual partner, but, for example, about a communication partner, within which this fact matters.
The value of any social and psychological phenomenon (and we can attribute virginity to this category, because this phenomenon is not limited to its physiological content) is largely determined by two points:
- Consciousness of choice.
- The number of “investments”, investments.
If virginity at a later age is the result of an annoying and depressing coincidence of circumstances (“Well, this is how it turned out for me”, “Somehow it didn’t work out …”), it can hardly be called a virtue.
And, conversely, the preservation of virginity as a result of a conscious decision of a moral or, for example, a religious nature, allows us to talk about the value of this phenomenon.
Even Kant argued that the moral value of an act is determined by duty and overcoming desires. Let’s say a monk who observes the vow of celibacy, struggling with the desires of the flesh, commits an act that is valuable from the point of view of morality and ethics. And a monk who observes the same vow easily, since due to his age no longer has any carnal desires, does not perform a moral deed. The first invests, makes efforts, the second gets the result automatically, and in this sense, his abstinence is not a virtue.
There are situations when a woman refuses sex life due to fear, inability to build relationships, lack of communication, limiting attitudes, complexes, etc. In this case, virginity at a later age will rather be a disadvantage, since we are talking about a kind of socialization. Over time, this social experience will become more difficult to obtain. In most cases, desirable experiences are good when acquired on time.
A quality in itself cannot be an advantage or a lack of personality. It becomes such by virtue of our personal attitude and the value that we endow it with.
A subjective assessment is often given for reasons of psychological safety. If a woman claims that her virginity at a later age is a virtue, this does not mean that this is exactly the way it is. Perhaps, deep down, she considers this a disadvantage, but psychological defenses keep her from realizing this.
How to recognize a psychological defense? There will always be everything “a little too much” in it. So, speaking of virginity as a dignity, a woman will praise this state of affairs too much, exaggerate the significance of this too much, perhaps even advertise this fact. Or, on the contrary, it will loudly and actively condemn those who parted with their virginity early enough.
What we consider to be our merits does not require loud evidence. Understanding her emotional reactions, a woman will be able to “hear” herself and understand that for her late virginity is actually a virtue or a disadvantage that she does not want to admit.
Despite all the problems, do not forget that a person is free to decide for himself when to lose his virginity. Quite a few so-called “late” ones are educated, nice people, interesting interlocutors. They are versatile individuals who devote a lot of time to study, work, hobbies, dress fashionably and lead an active lifestyle. For them, the spiritual side of the relationship (love, fidelity) plays a very important role, so the strong sensitivity of the chosen one can scare them. For this reason, they are not interested in fleeting connections, they will give their heart and innocence to a truly kindred spirit.
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