Once my best friend gave his girlfriend, with whom they were together for a year, flowers. To his surprise, she did not put them in the vase, but simply left them lying on the cabinet. To his surprise, a week later, when he came to her house, he found them wilted in the same place where his girlfriend had left them the first time. And at that moment, he began to suspect that their feelings were not real, but fake.
Oh, if every person were initially gifted with knowledge of relationships, how many mistakes they could have avoided! But, unfortunately, we often gain valuable experience at too high a cost.
Today I will teach you to distinguish between REAL love and FALSE.
Sign # 1 – Lack of envy
Many people in relationships have a hard time distinguishing jealousy from envy. Jealousy in love is the fear of losing a partner, but envy is different.
With these examples, you will learn to distinguish between these 2 feelings:
- Example of jealousy: Why is she looking at you? Do you know each other? Or did you give her a reason to take an interest in herself? “
- Example of envy: “Why are they looking at you? What are you the best here? Why don’t I deserve attention? “
Remember! In a normal relationship, a man and a woman do not envy, but, on the contrary, sincerely rejoice at each other’s achievements.
Sign number 2 – When talking about joint plans, partners pronounce the pronoun “WE”, not “I”
“We are going to go to rest” or “I’m going to go with her to rest.”
Do you feel the difference? It is very important that in a pair, each of the partners attaches great importance to their union. Pay attention to what pronoun your significant other pronounces in conversation, “I” or “We”. On this basis, you can easily determine whether your partner is strongly attached to you.
Remember! If a person loves you, he will often think about your union, therefore, talking about him, he will regularly use the pronoun “We”.
Sign number 3 – True love implies the desire to DELIGHT, and fake – to CONTROL
When we love a person, we strive to do something pleasant for him. We like to show our feelings, even though everyone does it differently. But, if your partner is trying to control you, this is a red flag.
By the way, pathological control is one of the “symptoms” of a potential abuser.
Read also: Attention, your man is an abuser: is it possible to reeducate, or is it time to run away?
By the way, in a healthy relationship there is also no place for pathological jealousy, assault and verbal humiliation. There are popular myths:
- “Hits means loves.”
- “Tests for strength – means interested.”
- “Jealous means love.”
All this is nonsense! Remember: sincerely loving people do not provoke each other into jealousy or other negative feelings… Yes, they may doubt each other’s fidelity (especially if there is a reason), but they resolve all disagreements verbally, without hysterics and violence.
Sign # 4 – Partners are independent of each other
Love addiction is one of the most dangerous. Psychologists believe that getting rid of it is even more difficult than getting rid of alcohol. It’s all about deep sensual affection. When we love another person deeply, we risk losing our self-sufficiency.… To prevent this, you need to work to improve your self-esteem.
Read also: 5 factors that affect our self-esteem
How to understand that you are psychologically dependent on a person? Very simple. When he is around, you are very happy, and when not, you get depressed.
“Healthy” love excludes the presence of psychological dependence. Each of the partners should be a self-sufficient person who feels harmoniously not only in a pair, but also alone with himself.
Another striking sign of psychological dependence on a partner is the lack of an opinion or unwillingness to express it. The addicted person perceives the words of the object of his love as an indisputable truth. He also mirrors his mood.
Remember! A person who is in a state of psychological dependence on another cannot be happy.
Sign # 5 – Real love doesn’t have bad memories.
Being in healthy, harmonious relationships, partners value each other and, when discussing their lives, often remember GOOD. But fake love implies constant jokes, mockery, swearing, etc.
Sometimes partners deliberately provoke each other into quarrels in order to mutually express claims and discontent. This is often done because of a strong sense of resentment. But, in the presence of a healthy relationship, this is impossible.
People who truly love each other make their claims laconic and constructive. This does not mean that you need to endure the unworthy behavior of your partner and close your eyes to him! It is NECESSARY to talk about your dissatisfaction, but right.
Advice! For each comment, make one declaration of love, you can in a veiled form. So you will reduce the degree of negative emotions.
Let’s consider an example of a situation. The man ridiculed the taste of his woman in front of her friends, which caused her a great offense. A smart woman will not make scenes in public. She will wait until she is alone with her chosen one and tell him: “Darling, you certainly have excellent taste with me, everyone knows this, but it was very unpleasant for me when you made fun of me in front of friends. Please don’t do this anymore. “
Sign number 6 – Partners do not set conditions for each other
- “We will get married if you lose weight”
- “I will marry you if you earn more money”
A healthy relationship means accepting your partner for who they are, with all their strengths and weaknesses. Fake love includes constant attempts to change a person, to crush him under oneself.
Remember, conditions in a relationship are pretty dangerous. If you are forced to put a condition in front of your dear person, think about whether this makes sense. Perhaps you will achieve what you want if you just talk to him about what interests you.
Sign # 7 – Gradual build-up of feelings
Love at first sight is a myth, albeit a very romantic one. At first glance, falling in love, strong sympathy or passion can flare up. Anything but real love.
It takes time for falling in love to transform into love. Each of the partners should get experience of relationships with each other, after which they are likely to love each other.
Remember true love must be brought up, first of all, in oneself.
Don’t forget to build relationships right! I sincerely wish you to find happiness with your loved one.
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