How to discourage a mother-in-law from teaching life – 10 polite responses from a mother-in-law from a daughter-in-law

Often, future daughters-in-law, following the advice of their friends, prepare for a protracted war with their mother-in-law. Even though your man’s mom may be a golden person, you will set yourself up for conflict. You shouldn’t listen to someone. You can have a wonderful relationship with your mother-in-law. The main thing is to be able to timely and softly learn to say “no”, as well as to know some methods and techniques of communication.

  • Reasonable refusal

If you are tired of your mother-in-law’s advice and teachings, try talking to her about it. Tell her gently that you are not ready to fulfill her requirements and tasks. Be sure to inform why: “My dear mother-in-law, I appreciate your advice, but I cannot do this because …”. The main thing in this method is a brief statement of the reason.

In the event that your mother-in-law is a very persistent person, you can use the method for three reasons. Prepare your speech in advance, analyze and think of 3 main reasons. Usually the mother-in-law takes your place and understands your refusal.

  • Straightforward rejection

A daughter-in-law who has a more aggressive mother-in-law must learn to defend her opinion. In the event that the second mother begins to creep into the life of the young, you should clearly set boundaries and make it clear that the mother-in-law’s advice will not work on your territory.

Outright rejection can also be gentle. For example, address like this: “Sorry, mom, I can not do as you ask”, “Mother-in-law, I have no free time now to do …”.
Of course, the mother-in-law should quickly understand that her advice is useless to you, you yourself can cope with household chores and solve all the problems of your family life.mother-in-law and daughter-in-law

In the event that the mother-in-law goes over to the second offensive and again tries to teach the daughter-in-law, it is worth using a different technique. It’s called The Broken Record Technique. You can repeat the above phrases for all requests and words of the mother-in-law.

You should listen to her opinion, and then, without asking questions, repeat and repeat “no”. This technique should be used when dealing with assertive and stubborn people.

  • Delayed failure

The essence of this method is to agree with the advice, analyze it, and then decide whether to use it. You do not need to come up with any reasons for not fulfilling requests, you should say bluntly that you need to think about the proposal.

For example, answer like this: “I need time to think. Let’s discuss this proposal later. ”“ Before deciding, I must consult with my husband, ”“ I want to think about information that is new to me. ”
By explaining the mother-in-law in this way, the daughter-in-law gains additional time not only to think over the proposal, but also to help her close people-advisers.

  • Compromise denial

Learn to answer your mother-in-law so that she understands you the first time. If you are not ready to fulfill her requirements and requests, try to find a compromise solution for you.

Example: a mother-in-law lives with your family on the same territory, asks you to give her a lift every day to work. In order not to be late, not to swear every morning, “go” to meet the second mother, say this: “I can give you a lift only if you are ready at 7.30 in the morning.”

Another example: your mother-in-law does not live with you, but asks her son to visit her every day. Talk to her, say: “Mother-in-law, we would be happy to visit you every day, but we do not have such an opportunity. We can visit you on Saturday and Sunday. “

Learn to find compromises, without them in family life – nothing!

  • Hidden refusal or “do it but not that”

You can agree with your mother-in-law’s advice, but you won’t apply it. Using the technique of the hidden “no”, you can avoid a conflict situation with your second mother, or husband, who may agree with her.


Listen to her carefully, agree, but do it your way. Example: you and your husband drove into a new apartment and decided that you would do the repairs yourself. The mother-in-law invites you to make yellow walls in the kitchen. Go to meet her, agree, and then decide with your husband what color the wallpaper in the kitchen will be.

When she asks why they decided to do it the wrong way, you can simply say that you changed your mind.

  • Hidden refusal or “promise and do not”

Do not forget, if you do not want to ruin a good relationship with your mother-in-law, agree with everything that she tells and advises you. You can always analyze the situation, sort out the problems and decide whether or not to follow the advice of the second mother.

You can answer like this: “Okay, I’ll do it,” “Of course, I’ll buy it,” “One of these days, I’ll certainly do it,” “I’ll go soon,” etc. It is important to say and agree, but it is not necessary to do it.

  • Refusal with irony

All mother-in-law’s advice can be translated as a joke. For example, when asked to have a dog or cat in the house, answer that you will have 10 kittens at once. The mother-in-law may continue to persuade you, then inform that cute kittens will interfere with the squid that are already living in the bathroom. Thus, you can translate any request or advice into a joke.

Treat the rules and requirements of your mother-in-law with a smile on your face and happiness, then you will definitely never have a conflict!

mother-in-law's refusal

  • Denial through compassion

Any woman can be made to empathize. The “Appealing to compassion” technique is needed for those daughters-in-law who want to attract attention to themselves and show their mother-in-law that they have absolutely no free time to follow certain rules.

Treat your mother-in-law as a friend, tell her about your problems, share the things you solve every day, explain that you just physically won’t have time to do what she asks for.

As a rule, the second mother will understand you and will no longer pester you with her requests.

  • Open Door Technique or Consent Technique

When communicating with the mother-in-law, one should clearly distinguish between criticism and emotions. You can agree with the criticism, the facts, while saying that you agree and you are really doing something wrong.

Leave the emotional side behind. Keep your answer short and clear. You should not make excuses and explain to your mother-in-law why you are doing this way and not differently.

During a conversation, you should not be offended or indignant, you should not even translate criticism into a joke. Better to agree, and with every comment of the mother-in-law. The technique is called so because the mother-in-law wants to break open the door to you, and you open it yourself.

  • Containment policy or polite refusal

In order not to fight with your mother-in-law, you can follow the containment policy. You should not treat comments, advice, requests too harshly. Learn to react correctly to what is happening – do not be offended, thank, explain.

In some situations, you should say this: “I am grateful for your advice, I will take it into consideration, perhaps even use some. In any case, it is not only me, but my husband as well, ”or“ I cannot solve your problem on my own, my husband and I will try to deal with it in the near future, ”or“ I don’t know what to do in this situation. Thank you for your advice and recommendations, I will listen to them. “

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