Letting go of resentment, forgiving means working through resentments and letting go of the past.
Resentment … How few people are able to openly admit this feeling – but, probably, there is not a single person on earth who has not experienced it at least once in his life.
It is no secret that resentment is a destructive feeling, and it is the root cause of many somatic diseases, such as headaches, insomnia, back pain, etc.
The content of the article:
- Beginning of work
- Benefits of grudges
- How to work through resentment
- Sensitivity test
Therefore, in order to get rid of physical ailments, you must first honestly answer to yourself the question – is the resentment the reason for your poor health. And if you find in yourself some traumatic memories that haunt you, then you should definitely work with them in order to let go of the feeling of resentment.
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Beginning of work
To begin with, you should recall in detail all those moments that arouse a feeling of resentment in you.
No matter how painful and unpleasant it is, you need to try completely recover and write down on paper the situation that happened to you and the abuser. This will be a mental block of information that you will have to work with in the future.
It will be difficult to remember everything at first. The fact is that our brain, in order to protect the psyche, often “erases” part of the information. And, if such difficulties arise, then it is worth starting to write down just the thoughts that came to mind when thinking about what happened. Then the brain will gradually restore the event itself – and you will be able to write down everything.
At the same time, you do not need to try to write down thoughts competently, logically and beautifully. Just write whatever comes to mind and comes to mind. As you record, emotions will appear – they are the key that will help you get rid of bad memories.
Video: Technique for working through resentment. How to survive and get rid of resentment
Is there a benefit in resentment
After the thoughts have been recorded on paper, it follows evaluate the recorded in terms of the benefits available…
The fact is that an offended person is not only unpleasant to experience this feeling, but there are also certain advantages in keeping this offense in oneself. Most often, it is unwillingness to take responsibility for what happened, unwillingness to change and solve their problems on their own.
If there is a culprit of your troubles, on whom you can hang a feeling of guilt and your resentment, then why should you do something yourself in this situation? Let this “villain” fix everything and try to change your life. And your task will be simply to accept or not to accept his work in this regard.
It’s the easiest thing to do, right?
Simpler. But – not more effective.
Moreover, it, most often, does not bring any effect – or even has the opposite effect. The abuser does the wrong thing, or does not do what you expect – and becomes even more “villain” than before.
You yourself drive yourself into a corner and lodge yourself with even greater grievances, overgrowing them, like a head of cabbage with new leaves.
Therefore, it is worthwhile to honestly assess the situation – and if the offense is really beneficial to you, then accept it, and start working with her… Because the offender in this situation – no matter how hard he tries – will remain the offender, and you will leave this destructive feeling inside yourself.
Working through resentment, or how to write a letter of anger correctly
There are a lot of ways to get rid of resentment, let’s consider one of them.
It is worth trying to get rid of resentment. technique “Letter”… This technique will help to throw out the existing emotions that arise during the memories – and replace them with neutral ones, or even positive ones.
Write a letter to the abuser. Initially, let this letter contain a statement of the situation that you wrote down earlier, remembering it.
And then – express in the letter all your anger, disappointment, pain. Write down all the words that have not been said and that you want to say.
After writing – do not re-read, tear the letter – and throw it away, or burn it. In any case, make sure that you no longer have the opportunity to return to what you have written.
After doing this technique, it immediately becomes easier. The person who wrote the letter ends this story in his own way – the way he would like. She throws out her anger on the offender – and the resentment ceases to have the strength and the weight that it had before.
But it also happens that the letter does not bring the relief that the writer expected. Then it is worth trying other techniques for working with resentment, which will be written about later.
In the meantime, that’s all. Take care of yourself from insults, they should not clog your psyche, taking the place where joy and tranquility could settle.
Test for the tendency to resentment
Answer the questions by checking one of three options:
- Is it easy for you to ruin your mood?
| Yes | |
| Sometimes | |
| Not |
- How long do you remember the times when you were offended?
| Yes | |
| Sometimes | |
| Not |
- Are you worried about minor troubles? (missed the bus, broken shoes, etc.).
| Yes | |
| Sometimes | |
| Not |
- Do you have such states when you do not want to communicate with anyone and see anyone for a long time?
| Yes | |
| Sometimes | |
| Not |
- Do extraneous noises and conversations distract you when you are busy with something?
| Yes | |
| Sometimes | |
| Not |
- Do you often analyze the situation that has occurred for a long time and think over the events?
| Yes | |
| Sometimes | |
| Not |
- Do you often have nightmares?
| Yes | |
| Sometimes | |
| Not |
- Are you comparing yourself to other people against you?
| Yes | |
| Sometimes | |
| Not |
- Is your mood changing?
| Yes | |
| Sometimes | |
| Not |
- Do you go screaming when arguing?
| Yes | |
| Sometimes | |
| Not |
- Are you annoyed by misunderstandings from other people?
| Yes | |
| Sometimes | |
| Not |
- Do you often succumb to the influence of a momentary impulse, emotion?
| Yes | |
| Sometimes | |
| Not |
Summing up:
Count the number of options “Yes”, “Sometimes”, “No”.
Most answers are YES
You are vindictive and touchy, react very painfully to how others treat you. Your mood changes every minute, which often brings inconvenience to you and other people.
Try to relax – and stop being offended by the clouds for the fact that they are not floating at the speed that you would like. The world was not created to please or annoy you at all.
Most of the answers are NO
You are a completely reckless person. Disagreements that occur are not able to bring you out of calmness, complacency, and a state of peace of mind.
Maybe some will find you indifferent and unemotional. Ignore this and appreciate your ability to control your emotions.
But – do not forget that sometimes it makes sense to show your feelings to a person, to demonstrate what exactly is unpleasant for you.
Most of the answers are SOMETIMES
You cannot be called touchy, but you are familiar with the feeling.
Frustration and resentment in you can only be caused by serious life circumstances, and you simply do not pay attention to small situations. You know how to sincerely express your emotions – and at the same time you do not try to put responsibility on anyone for them.
Continue to keep this golden mean further, without leaning to any of the extremes.
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