Again and again mom and dad fight. Again screams, again misunderstanding, again the child’s desire to hide in the room, so as not to see or hear these quarrels. The question “why can’t you live peacefully” – as always, into the void. Mom will just look away, Dad will slap on the shoulder, and everyone will say “it’s okay.” But – alas! – the situation with each quarrel is getting worse.
What should a child do?
The content of the article:
- Why do parents swear and even fight?
- What to do when parents are fighting – instructions
- What can you do to make sure your parents never fight?
Reasons for parental quarrels – why do parents swear and even fight?
Quarrels happen in every family. Some swear on a large scale – with fights and damage to property, others – through clenched teeth and with slamming doors, others – out of habit, so that later they can make it up just as violently.
Regardless of the scale of the quarrel, it always affects the children, who suffer the most in this situation and suffer from despair.
How to swear without damaging your relationship?
Why do parents swear – what are the reasons for their quarrels?
- The parents are tired of each other. They have been living together for quite some time, but there are practically no common interests. Misunderstanding between them and unwillingness to yield to each other develop into conflicts.
- Fatigue from work. Dad works “in three shifts,” and his fatigue spills out in the form of irritation. And if at the same time the mother does not really follow the household, devoting too much time to herself instead of taking care of the house and the children, then the irritation becomes even stronger. It also happens the other way around – mom is forced to work “in 3 shifts”, and dad lies all day on the couch watching the TV or under the car in the garage.
- Jealousy… It can happen for no reason, simply because of the dad’s fear of losing mom (or vice versa).
Also, the reasons for quarrels are often …
- Mutual grievances.
- Constant monitoring and surveillance of one parent after another.
- Lack of romance, tenderness and care for each other in parental relationships (when love leaves the relationship, and only habits remain).
- Lack of money in the family budget.
In fact, there are thousands of reasons for quarrels. It’s just that some successfully bypass problems by the side, preferring not to let “everyday things” into relationships, while others find a solution to the problem only in the process of a quarrel.
What to do when parents quarrel with each other and even fight – instructions for children and adolescents
Many children are familiar with the situation when you do not know what to do with yourself during a parental quarrel. It is impossible to get into their quarrel, and to stand and listen is unbearable. I want to sink into the ground.
And the situation becomes even more acute if the quarrel is accompanied by a fight.
What should a child do?
- First of all, do not go under the hot hand… Even the most loving parent “in a state of passion” can say too much. It is better not to get involved in the scandal of the parents, but to retire to your room.
- You don’t have to listen to every word of your parents. – it is better to put on headphones and try to distract yourself from the situation that the child is still unable to change directly during the quarrel. Doing your own thing and, as far as possible, distracting yourself from the parental quarrel is the best thing a child can do at this moment.
- Maintain neutrality. You can’t side with mom or dad just because they had a fight. Unless we are talking about serious cases when mom needs help, because dad raised his hand to her. In cases of ordinary domestic quarrels, you should not take someone else’s position – this will only further ruin the relationship between the parents.
- Talk… Not right away – only when the parents cool down and will be able to adequately listen to their child and each other. If such a moment has come, then you need to explain to your parents in an adult way that you love them very much, but listening to their quarrels is unbearable. That the child is scared and offended during their quarrels.
- Support parents. Maybe they need help? Maybe mom is really tired and has no time to do anything, and it’s time to start helping her? Or tell your dad how much you appreciate him and his efforts at work to provide for you.
- Get support. If the situation is very difficult, quarrels are accompanied by drinking alcohol and reach fights, then it is worth calling relatives – grandparents or aunts-uncles, whom the child knows and trusts. You can also share the problem with your homeroom teacher, with trusted neighbors, with a child psychologist – and even with the police if the situation calls for it.
- If the situation is completely critical and threatens the life and health of the mother – or already the child himself, then you can call all-Russian helpline for children 8-800-2000-122…
Legal protection against domestic violence – what to do in such situations?
What the child absolutely does not need to do:
- Getting in between parents in the midst of a scandal.
- Thinking that you are the cause of the fight or that your parents don’t like you. Their relationship to each other is their relationship. They do not apply to their relationship to the child.
- Trying to hurt yourself in order to reconcile your parents and get their attention. It will not work to reconcile parents with such a harsh method (statistics show that when a child suffering from parental quarrels deliberately harms himself, the parents divorce in most cases), but the harm done to oneself can have serious consequences for the child’s life.
- Run away from home. Such an escape can also end very badly, but it will not bring the desired result. The maximum that a child who finds it unbearable to be at home can do is to call his relatives so that they can take him away for a while until the parents make up.
- Threatening your parents that you will hurt yourself or run away from home… This also makes no sense, because if it comes to such threats, it means that the parents’ relationship cannot be restored, and holding them back with threats means exacerbating the situation even more.
Certainly, you shouldn’t tell everyone about problems in the house between parentsif these quarrels are temporary in nature and concern only everyday trifles, if the quarrels quickly subside, and the parents really love each other and their child, and sometimes just get tired so much that it turns into quarrels.
After all, if a mother shouts at a child, this does not mean that she does not love him, or wants to kick him out of the house. So it is with parents – they may shout at each other, but this does not mean at all that they are ready to part or fight.
The thing is that a call to a teacher, a psychologist, a helpline or the police can have very serious consequences for the parents and the child himself: the child can be taken to an orphanage, and the parents can be deprived of parental rights. Therefore, you should call serious authorities only if if the situation really threatens the health and life of the mother or the child himself…
And if it is simply anxious and scary for the marriage of your parents, then it is better to share the problem with those who can influence the parents without participating in the problem of the police and guardianship service – for example, with grandparents, with the best friends of mom and dad, and other relatives of the child people.
How to make sure that parents never swear or fight?
Every child feels helpless, abandoned and helpless when parents quarrel. And the child always finds himself between two fires, because it is impossible to choose someone’s side when you love both parents.
In a global sense, a child, of course, will not be able to change the situation, because even a common child cannot make two adults fall in love with each other again if they decide to part. But if the situation has not yet reached this stage, and parental quarrels are only a temporary phenomenon, then you can help them get closer.
- Make a video montage of the best photos of parents – from the moment they met until the present day, with beautiful music, as a sincere gift for mom and dad. Let the parents remember how much they were in love with each other, and how many pleasant moments they had in their life together. Naturally, a child must be present in this film (collage, presentation – it doesn’t matter).
- Prepare a delicious romantic dinner for mom and dad. If the child is still too small for the kitchen or simply does not have culinary skills, then you can invite a grandmother to dinner, for example, so that she can help in this difficult matter (of course, on the sly). Delicious recipes that even a child can handle
- Buy parents (with the help, again, grandmother or other relatives) cinema tickets for a good film or a concert (let them remember their youth).
- Offer to go camping together, on vacation, on a picnic, etc.
- Record their quarrels on camera (better hidden) and then show them how they look from the outside.
Attempts to reconcile the parents have not been crowned with success?
Do not panic and despair.
Alas, there are situations when mom and dad cannot be influenced. It happens that divorce becomes the only way out – this is life. You need to come to terms with this and accept the situation as it is.
But it is important to remember that your parents – even if they break up – will not stop loving you!
Video: What if my parents get divorced?
Have you had similar situations in your life? And how did you get out of them? Share your stories in the comments below!
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